


Seven Stages of Grief (V2)

by LucreziaLouisa1986



Category: Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Family, Grief/Mourning, Marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28984734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucreziaLouisa1986/pseuds/LucreziaLouisa1986
Summary: As friends and family gather to say goodbye to Ben Stone, his wife tries to come to terms with her grief.(Second attempt at story)
Relationships: Ben Stone (Law & Order)/Original Character(s)





	1. Stage One - Denial and Shock

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for bearing with me.
> 
> I feel a more confident about this attempt and think it will work better than my original story.
> 
> For this chapter I have kept some parts of the original but have some added extra or new scenes. I have also changed Jess’ last name.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

‘Jess seems to be holding up well,’ said Jack McCoy with nod in the direction of where Jessica Stone and her stepdaughter were stood accepting the condolences from some young ADA with a small smile and nod. The small veil of black lace that had been hanging slightly over her face during the ceremony was now pinned back, revealing stoic green eyes that had yet to shred tears, ‘she could have given Jackie Kennedy a run for her money today but then Jess always was a tough one to crack though. Must be the British stiff upper lip,’

‘I wouldn’t know. I’ve hardly had a chance to speak to her since her family arrived,’ replied Peter as he gazed over to where his stepmother, who dressed in a black buisness dress with cardigan, was guiding the traumatised Pam to seat next to Jess’ niece, Hannah, ‘I’m not sure about the stiff upper lip but they certainly believe tea solves everything. All they have done since they arrived is force her to constantly drink the stuff. Also Pam moved out of the flat back into her old room, so Jess can look after her,’

‘Pam not coping?’ asked McCoy, taking a sip of his scotch, watching as Jess crouched down next to Pam and seemed to whisper something to her as she stroke her long blonde hair.

‘One moment she knows dad’s gone and is crying that she miss him,’ said Peter pausing for a moment as he watched Jess pull a clearly distressed Pam to her and let her cry on her shoulder. He then glanced over to where Joshua, Pam’s boyfriend was sat with his mother, looking as lost as the rest of them. Pam had been doing so well the last few years with a steady job, a relationship with Josh and moving out of her old bedroom into the top floor of the brownstone, which they had converted into a flat for her. When Peter had seen her at Christmas, she had looked so happy and was almost completely unrecognisable to the sister he had seen institutionalised. But now, despite being nearly 40, she looked like a lost child in a sea of adults dressed in black. Peter had always felt useless when it came to his sister and cursed himself for not knowing what to do. Even at the graveside, it had been Joshua’s mother who had taken Pam so that Jess could say one last goodbye to her husband in private. Peter had just rushed back to the car after he had taken one finally look at his father’s coffin, wanting to be away as soon as possible. Maybe he was more like his father than he thought, ‘the next she is asking when he’s coming home. At the church Pam kept asking Jess when dad was getting here,’  
Peter thought back to the that moment in the church when Jess had gotten to her feet to share her memories with the congregation, only for Pam to whisper ‘when’s Daddy getting here?’ Peter had just frozen and stared straight ahead at his father’s coffin, hoping that the problem would go away by itself or by divine intervention. To the side he heard Jess say something to the Priest about reading this for her, before hugging and whispering something comforting to Pam. Peter had then felt guilt more than relief that he had not been able to help his sister and stepmom.

‘No matter who read it, Jess did him proud,’ McCoy said, patting Peter quite hard on the shoulder. Peter thought back to words the Priest had uttered on behalf of his stepmom and wondered if something had stopped Jess saying all she had wanted to say. The Priest read about how Jess and Ben had met, how she had ‘lawyed’ him into going for a drink and finally going on a date. It had then fast forward to how they had had twenty-two happy marriage. It concluded with Jess saying that she wanted her husband to remember as the man she loved and a lawyer to the last. It was short and sweet but it was not what Peter had expected. Maybe it was because the Priest was reading it in the monotone voice of someone who was reading the words for the first time. Maybe it was due to some of his father’s friends and remaining family, still seeing Jess as the gold digging trophy wife. Today could have been the perfect chance for Jess to play the grief stricken widow and weep loudly throughout. Yet she just was the stoic widow in black, who when not looking after her stepdaughter or accepting condolences, had just stared at her husband’s coffin or had look into space as if she too was waiting for her husband to walk in. Peter suspected she was still in shock over what had happen. He could still see the scene in the hospital when they had said goodbye to his dad before he was taken for surgery. Peter could still hear his father telling Jess were all the papers were stored, only for Jess to just smile and kissing him saying she’ll be here when he wakes up.

Peter could understand Jess’ shock for he hadn’t considered that his father could die either. Their relationship had improved a lot over the last few years and Peter had hoped that they could finally fix what had long been broken. But any hope of that was now gone and Peter was left wondering what might have been. So when Jess had asked him to do his father’s eulogy, Peter had told her he could not and he had offered to write the death announcement as a kind of trade off. But when he came to write it, his words just failed him with the final piece had ended up reading more like his father’s CV than the words of a loving son. It was just a long list of places and dates-when and where his father was born, when he graduated, when he married their mum, their births, when he worked for DA office, when he married Jess, when he died. Peter had expected his stepmom to argue with him when he had handed her the finished article for approval and attack it for the lack emotion it contained. However, when Jess had read it, she had just said ‘thank you’ and handed it back to him before leaving to meet with the Priest. 

‘I suppose that it explains a lot ,’ McCoy continued bringing Peter out of his thoughts, ‘if your father had told me that I wouldn’t now be down fifty bucks’

‘I don’t follow,’ 

‘The DA’s office had a sweepstakes when your father and Jess got married. I had fifty dollars riding on it lasting five years,’ laughed McCoy remembering that day in the office with them all putting money into one of the secretary’s cookie jar. Jack was still not sure whether Ben was aware that his old colleagues were taking bets on how long his second marriage would last but McCoy was certain his old friend would not have seen the funny side, ‘I’ve known your father a long time. I always thought Jess would grow fed up playing second fiddle to the law. I called that one wrong!,’

****  
‘Hey Paul,’ said Jess, leaving her stepdaughter talking with her niece and turned to embrace her old friend, ‘thank you so much for coming,’

‘You know I couldn’t live with myself if I miss it,’ replied Paul, hugging her back, ‘I still can’t believe it,’

‘Me neither,’ Jess said with a sad smile, pulling back, ‘every morning I wake up and the first thing I see is his glasses on the bedside table and I think...I think I need to remind him to book that eye test. I only realise he’s gone after I’ve gone to kitchen and made us both coffee. Then it just sort of hits me that’s he’s gone and I just stare at his coffee cup wondering what to do next,’

‘How you doing, Jess?’ asked Paul, slightly worried as Jess gave a little laugh as she finished speaking. He had seen her at the bownstone a few hours after Ben’s passing and remembering how stoic Jess had seemed. He remembered Jess telling him what had happened at the hospital in a very neutral, matter of fact manner and her clearly strained face had not even broke as she held a crying Pam. When he called her a few days after, again he was shocked that her voice had not broken as they had discussed Ben and the plans for the funeral. He could only hope that Jess had been able to grieve in private, though he guessed by the dark circles under her eyes that she probably had not.

‘ I’m...I’m okay,’ replied Jess, glancing around the hotel’s ballroom as if she was trying to spot someone, ‘yes I’m okay. Just trying to get my head around things. No one tells you there is so much to think about when it comes to these things. They should really give you lessons on all this at school. I have spent over twenty years making decisions with someone else then suddenly they are gone! I actually went into Ben’s office a few days ago to ask his opinion on hymns! I stood there a good minute or so before I remembered why he wasn’t sat at his desk!...Do you know how many different types of coffin there are? Peter and I were sat with the funeral director and all I could think is that I need to discuss this with Ben. All I keep thinking is I need to talks to Ben because if I admit I can’t talk to him then I have to face the fact that he’s really gone...,’

Paul listened, nodded and occasionally touched Jess’ arm in reassurance as he interrupted her saying that if she needed any help to let him know. This wasn’t not the woman he had known for over twenty years. Jess could always be matter of fact but she was never robotic and she had certainly never suppressed her emotions. It was how she had met Ben, after all, coming into office one day and announcing that he was wrong.

‘Excuse me,’ interrupted an unfamiliar voice at Jess’ side, ‘but are you Mrs Stone?’

Under normal circumstances, Jess would have corrected them to it being Dr not Mrs as she was very proud that she had that doctorate despite being written off by her mother and teachers but now she just didn’t feel it was worth the comment. 

‘Yes,’ replied Jess sounding tired as she looked at the man, who had probably just finished collage and was trying to pay off a mass of debt. As she spoke she took a glass of wine off of a passing waitress as she’ felt she was going to need it to get through the rest of the wake and wonder if she could get away for a moment to get a shot of vodka from the hotel bar, ‘that’s me,’

‘These are for you,’ he said, thrusting the bouquet of white lilies at Jess, who struggled to keep hold of the wine as she took hold of the flowers. The man seemed to realise that he was suddenly at a wake because he add a “my condolences, ma’am” before leaving.

‘Hey do you want me to take them?’ asked Paul as he saw Jess was struggling, ‘who they from?’

‘Would you?,’ replied Jess, relieved to be able to be able to pass the flowers to someone else, ‘not sure. There must be card,’

****

‘I even called Paul to see if he wanted in on the action,’ replied McCoy with a small laugh mixed with sadness and reflection as he stared down at his scotch, ‘wherever the money is, it’s his! He bet on it lasting until the very end,’

‘I always thought she would leave dad,’ muttered Peter, looking briefly at Jess before looking back to McCoy, ‘I just didn’t get what a woman her age would see in dad,’

‘I use to joke with your dad about him having a trophy girlfriend,’ smiled McCoy, ‘but your father never saw the funny side,’

‘At school we use to call Jess “the Mile High Lolita” laughed Peter bitterly as he watch his stepmom and Paul continue their conversation as causally dressed stranger appeared with a bouquet. He thought back to his hatred of the then curly haired air stewardess who had suddenly appeared in his father’s apartment one night when Peter had turned up there after a row with his stepbrother. Pam had adored her but Peter had thought her the spawn of Satan, who was stealing what affection their father had away from his children and was stopping any chance there was of his parents reuniting. Suddenly on the times when he saw his father, he had his young girlfriend at his side. Ironically though, his father’s relationship with a younger woman had increased Peter’s standing at school and suddenly all the popular kids took notice of him. These were the rich kids, whose fathers were CEOs of multi-national companies and who had left their devoted wives of many years for women in their 20s. Suddenly Peter had something in common with them and they wanted to be his friends. Maybe they thought that there must be more money than they thought in public service if Peter’s dad could get young woman interested in him. They all had derogatory nicknames for their young stepmoms too but Peter could not remember them now, only the one they had christened Jess with-Mile High Lolita. Peter doubted that they had actually known what the words had truly meant but it did not stop him shuddering at his memory of them. His father had never known about his son’s nickname for his second wife but it did not stop the strange sense of guilt weighing heavy on Peter every time he remembered it. Maybe that’s why Peter suddenly felt the need to confess to McCoy as maybe he could offering him some paternal forgiveness that his father now could not or perhaps would not have given if he had known.   
However before McCoy could reply, they were interrupted by an horrendous shriek from Pam followed by her cries about blood. Peter turned with McCoy and saw that a group of mourners had gathered around where his stepmom and Paul had been. 

Peter closely followed by McCoy made their way through the group of mourners to his family. They found a very tearful and near hysterical Pam, who was being comforted by Hannah, who were both trying to gently usher her away from the scene. Peter followed Pam’s tearful gaze to Jess, who was stoney still, just staring down at the opened palm of her right hand. The wine glass had shattered, it’s fragile shards having sliced through Jess’ skin causing blood to seep out of the wounds and dripping on to floor but what shocked Peter the most was the shards that remained sticking of her palm. 

****

1990

‘Thank you for coming with me, Jess,’ said Donna as they walked into busy office, ‘mom had to watch kids and I just couldn’t face coming alone,’

‘It’s okay. I don’t mind,’ replied Jess, putting arm around her friend’s shoulder. The truth was they were not really friends, up an till a few months ago despite being neighbours for two years, they had barely said hello to each other. Then there was that Friday night when Jess had just returned from London to find her neighbour’s two small kids stood in the corridor sobbing and screaming for someone to help their mommy. Jess had to admit there was a horrible part of her had just wanted to walk on by, pretending she saw nothing and get to her studio and lock the door. It’s what she had done on previous occasions when she had turned the radio on fall blast to cover up the shouting. But this time, seeing the kids in flesh physically pleading for help, she knew she couldn’t live with herself if she just looked the other way. So Jess let them into her apartment, called the police and then accompanied them and Donna to hospital. It was there that Jess found herself looking after the two little girls for the rest of the night whilst their mother was treated by doctors then interviewed by police. When it was Jess’ turn to be interviewed after the social workers had taken Donna and her daughters to the women’s refuge, she found herself bombarded with questions about her neighbours. Had she really never noticed that Donna was regularly being beaten by her husband? Had Jess not noticed the black eyes, broken nose and bruises over the years? Jess had tried to rationalise to the police and herself that the reason she had failed to notice was because of her job. How could she keep track when she was constantly flying back and forth to London, St Petersburg, Moscow etc? The truth was though that the thought had never occurred to Jess. She knew they fought and my God, they screamed at each other but didn’t all couples do that? Jess had tried to justify everything by saying to herself that she and her husband always argued but then Jess would remember the rows and would remember the reasons why she had not seen her husband in two years. This was why Jess found herself regularly visiting Donna and her girls in the refuge and now found herself within the busy offices of One Hogan Place.

‘Thank you,’ Donna again said as she shuffled from one foot to another, ‘do you think they would mind if I used the restroom?’

‘I think they will understand,’ smiled Jess, ‘do you want me to come with you?’

‘I...I can go by myself,’ Donna stuttered, trying time remember the techniques the counsellor at the refuge had taught her, ‘I’ll be okay,’

‘Alright,’ replied Jess, looking around the busy office trying to find a seat, ‘I’ll find us somewhere to sit and wait,’

Donna nodded and shuffled off through the crowd of people as Jess found two seats outside one of the many offices. 

Jess sat down and rooted around in her handbag trying to find her diary and pen. When she finally found then, she started to write down her flights for the next few weeks down but after a few lines Jess found herself distracted and started to listeninto the conversation being had in the office behind her. Turning her head slightly, Jess noticed that the door hadn’t been completely shut and the tiny crack was enough for her to hear the conversation. She swung her legs around so she could get closer to the door and peer through the glass to see who the voices belonged to. Trying not to be too obvious, Jess spied through the glass and saw the conversation was between four men but Jess didn’t pay much attention to what they looked like, more to what was being said. Two of the men would occasionally slip into Russian and this was what caught Jess’ attention as she could hear the conversation being translated into English was not what was being spoken.

‘We will be in touch Stone,’ said one of the men approaching the door, causing Jess to jump and quickly spin around in her seat. 

Jess kept her eyes down on her diary as the two men exited the office, still speaking in Russian as they passed by her; they were both clearly unaware that anyone in the offices knew what they were talking about. 

****  
‘Do you think Pravin will turn?’ Paul asked leaning against the bookcase as he looked over to his boss who was glancing at the papers on his desk.

‘If he has any sense they will,’ replied Ben, not looking up as he scribbled something on to his legal pad.

‘He does, which means he’s not going to talk,’ interrupted a voice neither of them recognised, especially the English accent, ‘sorry I should have knock, but my mother always said I act like I was born in a barn,’

‘Clearly,’ sighed Ben, looking up from the papers on his desk and peered over the rim of his glasses to look at young woman who had just appeared in his office. She was dressed in a navy skirt suit with a reddish blouse, which was clearly part of a uniform as her black hair was tied up under a matching hat but Ben couldn’t quite recognise it. All he could tell was it certainly wasn’t a uniform that belonged to any city worker, ‘and you are Miss?’

‘Jessica Turner,’ replied the woman, marching quickly forward and offering her hand to Paul, who took it with a glance at Ben, before she turned and offered her hand to Ben, ‘and technically it’s Mrs not Miss but as I have not seen my husband in two years I’m not too bothered,’

‘And how can we help you, Mrs Turner?’ replied Ben sharply as he took her hand and was surprised to find she had quite a tight grip.

‘Call me Jess,’ smiled Jess, looking briefly down at the desk before looking back up, her green eyes meeting Ben’s blue without flinching, ‘and I’m actually hear to help you, Mr Stone, as I assume neither of you can speak Russian,’

‘And I suppose you can,’ said Ben drily, putting his glasses away as he spoke, ‘you care to enlighten us, Mrs Turner?’

‘Jess,’ smiled Jess cheerfully as she sat down in the chair facing the desk, ‘and yes I can. They certainly weren’t discussing the deal you offered and I highly doubt you would rate the blonde haired one’s skills as a lawyer, unless it’s normal for defence attorneys to threaten his client with concrete boots,’

‘They actually spoke those words, Mrs Turner?’ asked Ben, looking down as he made a note before turning to once again look at Jess, who again didn’t flinch.

‘You can call me Jess,’ smiled Jess, taking off her hat and placing it on the desk, ‘well it was more implied than spoken but I am have been around Brighton Beach long enough to know that when Gruskovs threaten you, it’s not with threats of taking away your sweets,’

‘Are you one of our translators?,’ asked Paul, breaking the silence as Ben seemed slightly blindside by this chatty woman.

‘No not quite-I’m an air stewardess with British Airways ,’ smiled Jess with a little laugh as she looked over at Paul before turning back to Ben with a mock salute, ‘To fly! To serve!’ 

‘And to dispense legal advice it seems,’ Ben sighed leaning forward on his desk, trying to decided if this woman was a nusaunce or whether she had a point. Ben was very confident in his ability when it came to his job and he knew he was where he was meant to be but with this came the a suspicious of people that appeared to be bearing gifts, ‘Mrs Turner...’

‘Jess, please,’ interrupted Jess again with a smile as she tilted her to side slightly, ‘I know you probably think I’m mad,’

‘No, I don’t think think you’re insane,’ replied Ben drily as he leaned slightly back, still watching her closely, ‘I do think that you are hiding an agenda behind your Good Samaritan act, Mrs Turner,’  
‘You’re right, I do have an agenda,’ smiled Jess, leaning forward sightly across the desk, ‘I just like to show off that I can speak Russian. Also I’m hoping that you will call me Jess,’

‘That still does not explain your appearance in my office, nor why you would so casually mention a crime family that many law enforcements have been trying to bring down for years,’ Ben replied with a hard stare, hoping he could finally see what she was hiding but she just continued to smile brightly back at him, ‘Mrs Turner, as you can speak Russian, you are clearly no fool, so you are either extremely naive or...,’

‘In the Gruskovs pocket or am setting some kind of trap,’ Jess interrupted, as she reached for her handbag, pulling out her diary and ripping out a page before grabbing a pen from the desk and scribbling something down on it, ‘here is the name and details of my friend at the Soviet Consulate. He will not only tell you that I am an nice and trustworthy person but that I am also not in anyone’s pockets and maybe why I don’t fear the Gruskovs,’

‘Jess,’ called a small voice, accompanying a knock at the door, ‘Mr McCoy is ready for us now,’

‘Just coming Donna,’ said Jess turning back briefly to look at her friend, before sliding the paper across the desk and the getting her stuff together, ‘well I’ll leave you two in peace. Say hi to Yuri for me and if I were you, I’d get one of your translators to look at the police interviews. Anyway, goodbye,’

‘Well that was certainly something,’ said Paul, watching her go before turning to Ben, ‘do you think she’s telling the truth?’

‘I don’t know what to think,’ sighed Ben, rubbing his forehead, trying to get his thoughts in order, ‘get the interviews off of Greevey and Logan and get an actual translator to go through them. Looks like I’m going to the Soviet Consulate,’

****

‘Oh sure, I remember her,’ said Greevey, flipping open his notebook, ‘witness to a domestic violence incident. Claimed she lived next to this family for two years and never once noticed what was going on. If you believe that?! She’s also extremely stuck up!’

‘She’s English, Max, they’re all like that’ interrupted Logan, reaching for his coffee, ‘and she did say that she’s hardly ever there,’

‘Don’t listen to Mickey! He just got distracted by her legs and uniform,’ continued Max, ‘probably hoping if we interview her again he may get a date,’

‘I doubt it,’ replied Paul, sitting on the edge of the desk, ‘she was flirting with Stone,’

‘You’re kidding me!’ laughed Greevey as Logan snorted out his coffee, ‘oh I would love to have seen his face!’

‘To be honest,’ smiled Paul, ‘I don’t think he realised,’

‘Yeah I can see that,’ Greevey continued to laugh, ‘he didn’t even realise his marriage was in trouble until his wife through his suitcase at him. Anyway, I guess your not here to gossip,’

‘No, but I do need you both to look into Mrs Turner’s background and...’

‘Hey this isn’t the Dating Game,’ interrupted Greevey, taking a swig of his coffee, ‘if you want to set her up with Stone, you can do that on your own time. We do actually have crimes to solve, you know,’

‘What no,’ dismisses Paul, ‘Mrs Turner can apparently speak Russian and overheard a conversation between Pravin and his attorney. She thinks his attorney was threatening him and Stone wants a translator to listen to the tapes of your interviews. He also wants you both to look into her background and see...’

‘If she has an alternative motive for giving us this information,’ finished Logan, trying to clean the coffee off his desk.

‘Got it in one,’

‘Well come on then Mickey, let gets started,‘ said Greevey, getting up and reaching for his jacket, ‘maybe you can beat Stone into getting a date,’

****  
‘I feel you have had a wasted journey, Mr Stone,’ smiled Yuri as he handed Ben a cup of black coffee, ‘Jess is an interesting lady but is she anything other than nice? No, she is just a nice girl. You shouldn’t be so suspicious,’

‘It’s my job to be suspicious, sir,’ replied Ben, taking a sip of the bitter coffee as he stared across the desk at the blonde hair man, who he guessed was in his late thirties. Years of practicing law in the busiest city in the world had taught him to be distrusting of diplomats from any country as no matter how helpful they would first appear, for they would quickly and politely remind you of their immunity the moment they felt even the hint of a threat, ‘if you didn’t know Mrs Turner and she had stormed into your office, are you telling me that you would just take her word as truth?’

‘I would probably being doing the same as you, Mr Stone,’ laughed Yuri as he leaned back in his chair, ‘but you need not worry. Moscow has very little interest in an 18 year old girl, who just wanted to escape her home in Merry old England for life in St Petersburg as an air stewardess and typist. Despite what MI5 and the CIA think, the KGB have very little interest in the working classes. What use would a factory worker’s daughter be?’

‘Mrs Turner lived in St Petersburg?’ asked Ben, trying not to sounds surprised that someone would go to the length of going behind the Iron Curtain just to escape the turmoil at home. After all growing up during the Cold War, the only people who went there were double agents escaping justice or Lee Harvey Oswald. They certainly weren’t teenagers girls trying to get away from trouble at home, ‘so she can in fact speak Russian?’

‘Oh yes, like a naive and that was before she came to live in the USSR,’ smiled Yuri, ‘lived there for two years until that bastard of a husband persuaded her to go back to England. She is a very interesting lady, Mr Stone. You should really talk to Jess yourself, rather than wasting your time with me,’  
‘Oh believe me I will,’ continued Ben, finishing his coffee, ‘but sadly as of this evening she is out of the country until the end of the week. So consequently I am waiting until Jess...Mrs Turner returns,’

‘I wish she would change that name,’ sighed Yuri, shaking his head, ‘I knew that husband of her’s was no good and would hurt her. I can always tell but when you have no actual evidence... well you know yourself, Mr Stone, how hard things then are to prove. Could you recommend her a good divorce attorney, you know one that has no morals and will play dirty?’

‘You know sir, you are reminding me why I generally despise diplomats,’ replied Ben, leaning forward, his voice extremely level, ‘what is Mrs Turner connection to the Gruskovs and why would she not fear them?’

‘Oh Mr Stone, you have clearly been a prosecutor too long,’ laughed Yuri, throwing his head back, ‘Jess has no connection to them other than she knows who they are. As for why she is not scared, well she once did me a good turn, so now I do her one,’

‘And what of your connections sir?’

‘I have lots of connections, which you don’t need to concern yourself with Mr Stone,’ said Yuri, his voice now serious, ‘but be assured that Jess is just is a nice girl, who is trying to help. She is also safe, I swear to you. So bring down the Gruskovs if you like, Jess will be safe and you will be doing society a favour,’

‘And what of you, sir?’ replied Ben, leaning forward, his voice still quiet and level, ‘how will you benefit?’

‘I will let you in on a little secret, Mr Stone,’ grinned Yuri, ‘the Soviet Union is crumbling and will soon be rumble. There will be a power vacuum and if we can limit the amount of criminals that will try to fill it the better. If you can help by eliminating some of those thugs than that would be a great help to the people. But mainly please be assured that our dear Jess is safe and no one will touch her,’

****  
‘Knock, knock,’ Jess said as she rapped her knuckles against the glass of the office door, ‘hi! Am I okay to come in?’

Ben looked up from his paper work to see Mrs Turner stood in the doorway to his office. She looked different this time, dressed in just blue jean and a pale pink jumper with white trainers. Her hair was no longer pinned up and her black curls framed her face, making her look younger than she appeared at their first meeting.

‘Good Afternoon, Mrs Turner,’ answered Ben, getting to his feet and indicating for her to come in and take a seat, ‘remembered your manners today I see,’

‘Well I already have your attention today,’ smiled Jess, as she came into the office and sat down in the offered chair, putting her handbag beside her on the floor with her coat on top, ‘I don’t need to cause a scene today,’

‘No, you certainly have my attention now,’ replied Ben, returning to his seat, ‘Mrs Turner...’

‘Jess,’ interrupted Jess, still smiling, ‘if you are going to interrogate me then please call me Jess. I hate being Mrs Turner,’ 

‘Your friend, Yuri said something similar. You know you can always change it? You are not your husband’s property anymore,’

‘Ahh but you haven’t met my mother,’ laughed Jess, ‘she guilted me into keeping my husband’s name until I can find and I quote “some other lovely young man who will put up with my moods” ‘  
‘I thought that you were still married?’

‘Oh I am and my mother still hopes I will one day go back to him and live happily ever after. But I doubt, Mr Stone, you have called me here to talk about my social climbing mother,’

‘Indeed,’ replied Ben, reaching for his glasses, ‘Mrs Turner...’

‘Jess,’ interrupted Jess again, ‘I will answer any question you have Mr Stone but please call me Jess,’

‘Jess,’ Ben continued, remaining professional as he placed his glasses on, ‘I spoke to your friend, Yuri and my colleagues have interviewed yours friends and colleagues and all testify that you are simply a Good Samaritan. However, I want to hear your story from yourself, in your own words,’

‘Of course, though I feel a may disappoint you. I am very boring really. I don’t spy for Moscow and I certainly not involved in organised crime,’

‘In that case, Mrs...Jess, I would you like to be boring,’ Ben said and watch Jess over the rim of his glasses as she pulled a face at the word boring before her face fell into a more neutral stance, ‘now what is your relationship with Yuri....?’

‘I am friends with his sister, Nadya,’ answered Jess without any hesitation, ‘she lived with me in St Petersburg,’

‘And this good turn you did him?’ Ben asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘It’s not what you think,’ Jess laughed, ‘he was worried about his sister working as she was very shy and quiet. I looked after her when we worked together and made sure none of the pilots or passengers got too touchy-feely with her if you know what I mean. Nothing criminal if you’re are worried about that. Just a knee to the crouch or the threat of a stiletto somewhere it shouldn’t be,’

‘Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you,’ muttered Ben as he wrote a note.

‘Oh Mr Stone, I some how doubt you are the kind of man who thinks women are available to him because of the job she does,’

‘Aren’t you an air stewardess?’

‘Yes and some men think because you serve them coffee, you are offering to serve them in other ways too,’

‘So you looked after his sister and now Yuri looks after you?’

‘No but he just feels he should,’ smiled Jess, leaning forward on to the desk, ‘which I’m glad of because he can convince you that I’m not a spy or a member of some crime family,’

‘Good for me too, I suppose,’ added Ben, letting a brief smile play on his lips but as he found himself noticing the greenness of Jess’ eyes, his smile went, ‘now can you tell me exactly how you came to live in on both sides of the Iron Curtain. Your own words, every little detail, no matter how small,’

‘Well,’ sighed Jess, her smile going slightly, ‘when I was little my parents had this really old globe -I think it use to my great-grandparents-and I use to spend hours looking at Russia. I used to spend ages looking at it and memorising all the place names. There was just something about it that just seemed to be so mysterious. So I made up my mind to learn Russian but as you can imagine unless you go private schools in England then there’s not much chance of that happening, especially if you end up at the local comp!’

‘Comp?’ asked Ben, raising a eyebrow 

‘Oh state school for those whose don’t get into the Grammar,’ Jess said in an offer handed way, ‘anyway my brother got in and had a French teacher whose, parents were Russian refugees from the Revolution. So I nagged and nagged her until she agreed to teach me. Turned out I was pretty good and when I was 18 she asked if I would help with a trip to St Petersburg. So I did and I decided to stay. The USSR was a millions times better than listening to my mother constantly going about how much I disappointed her but you don’t need to hear about that,’

‘And there was no other reason?’ Ben interrupted, noticing that Jess suddenly seemed tense with her back now straight and her hands on her lap as she rung them together, ‘just your mother? Nothing else?’

‘Have you ever disappointed a parent, Mr Stone,’ she said, chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

‘My father wanted me to become a doctor,’ Ben answered, hoping the little part of information he had provided about himself, would help her once again relax. It seemed to work as her shoulders seemed to slouch slightly.

‘That doesn’t sound to bad,’

‘You never met my father, Mrs...Jess,’ 

‘Touché,’ replied Jess, with a little smile, which relieved Ben as not only did she look more relaxed but meant she wasn’t going to ask him further about his father, ‘my mother had big plans for me. I would be a dazzling beauty queen with the intellect of Oxbridge professor but sadly I failed her on both counts and she likes to constantly reminded me. So that is why I went into the cold,’

‘And what did you do to support yourself during your stay there?’ asked Ben, determined to keep their conversation on track despite wondering if he should reassure her, as she once again seemed to have tensed up, ‘and off the record, you’re mother is wrong to be disappointed in you,’

‘Thank you,’ Jess replied with more of a smile that seem make her green eyes light up, ‘well I worked on the check-in desk for Aeroflot, which is where I meet Yuri’s sister and I also worked in typing pool for the British Embassy. Unfortunately it was there that I met my husband,’

‘And he is the reason you came in from the cold?’ asked Ben, trying no to get distracted by her gaze.

‘Yes,’ she laughed, ‘I met him at some Embassy function, he was in the RAF at that time. He had money, looks and charm and all the other girls in the typing pool were fawning over him. Don’t really know what happened. He asked me out and I said yes, he asked me to marry him and I said yes and came back to the UK,’

‘And once back in the UK?’

‘We got married and I joined BA and he went to work for Quantas but we didn’t live happily ever after,’ Jess paused for a moment as she hesitated as she tried to decided on her words, ‘I threw him out, I won’t give you the gory details if you don’t mind. Then I lost track of him before I could get a divorce, so I just need to wait until my five years are up then I am free! Anyway, I needed to escape again,’

‘So you came to the land of opportunity, like millions of people before you,’ smiled Ben.

‘Of course,’ laughed Jess, ‘I had gone East, so now it was time to go West. And I assume that you already know that I haven’t got even a parking ticket since I arrived here,’

‘True, but my colleague did say you spend a lot of your free time at Brighton Beach,’

‘I have lots of friends who live there,’ Jess said, shrugging her shoulders, ‘plus you can get the best goulash outside Russia there. I would offer to take you, Mr Stone but I don’t think you would be welcome,’

‘I will take your word for it,’ replied Ben, as he took his glasses off as he also leaned forward, ‘and any of the friends you meet there. What are their connections?’

‘Ah come now, Mr Stone,’ grinned Jess, leaning even further forward, ‘don’t be so suspicious, not all Russians are criminals. They are very nice hard working people and can vouch than none of them are involved in crime,’

‘And what about your friend, Yuri,’ asked Ben with a suspicious glance. 

‘Ahh Yuri is a Jack of all trades and a master of all,’ replied Jess with a laugh, ‘like I said he wants to make sure I am safe,’

‘He also wants me to recommend a good divorce attorney to you,’ said Ben, leaning back, ‘but I see you already have that in hand,’

‘One day I will be legally free,’ Jess laughed, leaning back into her seat, ‘is there anything else you want to know?’

‘Not right now but if I do need you, then I will be in touch,’

‘So I can go?’

‘You are welcome to go,’ said Ben, standing up and offering her hand to shake, ‘it was a pleasure to meet your properly,’

‘You too,’ replied Jess, also getting to her feet and taking his hand, ‘do you mind if I ask you a hypothetical question?’

‘Go on,’ said Ben as he let go of her hand.

‘Hypothetically,’ continued Jess, ‘if a possible witness was to ask the ADA on the case out for a drink then the ADA would have to morally and ethically turn them down, right?’

‘That is correct,’ replied Ben, slowly and suspiciously.

‘But afterwards when it is all over, would it be wrong then?’ Jess said as she busied herself gathering up her handbag and coat, ‘hypothetically of course,’

‘Hypothetically that should not be a problem as long as both declare it,’ Ben answered, watching her, trying to decide where this was going, ‘just where are going with this Mrs...Jess?’

‘Well, Mr Stone,’ smiled Jess as she got her coat on, ‘we shall both have to wait and see,’


	2. Stage Two - Pain and Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stage Two-Pain and Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Jess didn’t quite know what was happening. All she could remember was talking to Paul then a bouquet of flowers had arrived for her. She recalled that they didn’t know who had sent them and Jess had tried to find a card. That must be the card she was now holding. Jess had also been holding a wine glass too but now she didn’t seem to be. Instead, she seemed to feel a sharp, hot pain in the hand that been holding the alcoholic liquid. Was this the reason why everyone was now staring at her and poor Pam was crying hysterically?

‘Jess,’ said Paul, putting an arm around her and guiding her to a chair, ‘I think you need sit,’

Jess did as she was told and sat down on the purple velvet chair that had been brought for her. It was only when she sat down that Jess realise what had happened. She saw the blood dripping slowly from her hand on the polish oak floor and the shards of crystal glass sticking out of her palm. 

‘Pam,’ she said softly with a smile, ‘Pam, please listen. I’m okay, I promise you. I just need a plaster and it will all be fine,’

‘Mom!’

‘Pam, I promise there is no need to worry,’ smiled Jess, suddenly feeling the pain sharpen in her hand, ‘it is worse than it looks, I swear,’

‘Pam,’ called Elizabeth Olivet, coming over and putting a hand gently on Pam’s arm, ‘why don’t we go for a walk around park?’

‘That sounds like a good idea,’ echoed Hannah, ‘it would be nice to get some air,’

‘Could I come too?,’ came the voice of Joshua as he suddenly appeared at Pam side, his hand shaking as he decided whether or not to offer her his hand to hold. They had hardly spoken since they had left the hospital that evening and Pam gone straight back to her old room that night, leaving him alone in their apartment. Joshua wasn’t even sure that Pam knew who he was as she had looked completely lost every time they had seen each other since.

‘Mom?’ Pam asked, looking at her stepmom with confused eyes, ‘can I go?’

‘Yes, Pam,’ smiled Jess, reaching out with her good hand and gave her stepdaughter’s hand a comforting squeeze, ‘it’s okay. A walk would do you good. I’ll be fine, I promise,’ 

‘Come on, Pam,’ interrupted Hannah, ‘I really want a Starbucks hot chocolate and you know I hate going into those places by myself,’

‘Only if I can have a white mocha,’ Pam laughed, causing Jess to smile properly as this was the first time she had seen her stepdaughter laugh since the surgeon had told them that Ben had died. Seeing Pam briefly happy brought Jess felt a brief relief from the pain in her hand.

‘Bye,’ called Jess before mouthing ‘thank you,’ to Elizabeth, who nodded back at her before the group disappeared from the room. 

‘Jess,’ said Paul, putting an arm on her shoulder, ‘I really think we need to get you to a hospital,’

Jess just nodded and got to her feet. She didn’t want to go to hospital but she did want to get out of room and away from all those concerned and prying eyes.

‘I should come with you,’ Peter suddenly interrupted as he appeared at Jess’ side, causing Jess to quickly thrust the card into her dress pocket. 

‘Thank you, Peter,’ replied Jess, ‘but you stay here and look after everyone. I’ll be okay with Paul,’

Peter looked at her and through he should argue and insist he accompany her to the ER. After all, with his father gone that made him de facto head of the family and he should be the one to take care of his stepmother and sister. Peter knew this was a strange notion to have as his father had never expressed to him that if anything happened to him, it was his duty to look after Pam and Jess. Maybe it was some kind of unwritten code that all men felt when their fathers died that they need to protect the females left behind. The truth was thought that Peter always felt clueless when it came to caring for Pam, not to mention the once burning hated he had had for Jess. Perhaps it was best to stay here and take over from Jess at the wake...at least it would be easier to pretend that he and his father were close than to pretend he and Jess were. 

‘Alright,’ said Peter, ‘but just call me once you’ve seen the doctor, okay?’

‘Okay,’ nodded Jess, taking a towel off a waitress to wrap around her hand.

****  
‘I really could do with a cigarette,’ sighed Jess as they walked towards Paul’s car, ‘a cigarette and a long glass of vodka,’  
‘I didn’t know you smoked?’ Paul replied as he unlocked the car, ‘you hide that well!’

‘I gave up just before I met Ben,’ laughed Jess, but as she came closer to the car, she suddenly stopped in her tracks, ‘you know, I don’t think I ever told him,’

‘Well,’ Paul replied as he carried on around the car to open the passenger door for Jess, not realising she was no longer following, ‘it’s not the worse secret to have,’

‘I never told him,’ Jess muttered, feeling a tear start to roll down her cheek, ‘I can’t believe I never told him!’

‘Jess,’ said Paul, looking up and seeing that Jess was currently frozen to spot in front of the car, the colour gone from her face and she was shivering, despite her thick black coat offering her protection from the biting New York January weather, ‘it’s okay. Everyone has secrets. Ben...,’

‘You don’t understand,’ interrupted Jess, feeling more tears appear in her eyes, ‘I told him everything! He knew everything about me....I thought I told him everything!’ 

‘Jess,’ replied Paul, trying to sound calm as he came to stand by her and put his hands on top of Jess’ arms, ‘listen, it doesn’t matter if you had told Ben or not. It wouldn’t have altered your life together,’

‘Oh Paul,’ cried Jess, feeling long suppressed tears tumbling down her cheeks now, ‘you don’t understand? It’s not about the smoking!’

Continuing to cry, Jess leaned forward and rested against Paul’s shoulder and just continued to sob, suddenly forgetting the pain in her right hand. Suddenly the enormity of what had happened over the last two weeks had hit her and the reality of the situation was sinking in. Ben was really gone and he was never coming back. She no longer had a husband to go home to at night or wake up besides in the morning. Her husband had been with her for over twenty years to talk, laugh and argue with but now Jess would have to carry on that life alone with the knowledge that she left things unsaid.

‘I never said goodbye,’ sobbed Jess into Paul’s coat, ‘he tried to in the hospital but I didn’t want to hear it. I just told him not to be silly and that I will be here when he wakes up!’

‘Jess,’ said Paul quietly as he put his arms gently around her, ‘let’s get you into the car,’

Jess just nodded and let Paul guide her to the passenger side of his car and let him open the door for her. 

‘I didn’t say goodbye,’ Jess sighed, flinging herself down on the seat, ‘I honestly didn’t think he would die, I swear I didn’t. It’s all my fault, isn’t it?! I should have said goodbye and I should have said I love him! If I had, Ben would be here now!’ 

‘Jess, listen! None of this is your fault!’

‘Of course it is!’ Jess snapped as she slumped against the back of the passenger seat, ‘if only I’d told him, he’d be here now. But I didn’t and he died not knowing that I loved him!’

‘Jess, you know better than anyone that Ben was no fool,’ replied Paul, crouching so he was at her level, ‘you didn’t need to tell him you loved him. He knew, believe me, he knew!’

‘Paul,’ Jess said, trying to catch her breath through the tears, ‘I just want him back! Maybe he did know that I love him but it’s still my fault. I should have argued with the surgeons to do the operation sooner! For Christsake, Peter managed to fly in from Chicago in the time they took! I should have demanded...I should have...Paul, I just want him back!’

‘I know you don’t believe this right now, Jess,’ said Paul, reaching to the compartment on the dash board and pulling out some tissues and handed them to Jess, ‘but none of this is your fault! No one is to blame, least of you!’

‘Paul,’ Jess started to say as she started to dry her tears, ‘I...,’

‘Come on, Jess, don’t argue,’ Paul said trying to smile, ‘now let’s get you to hospital before you bleed out all over my car!’

Jess managed to laugh at that even as she realised that blood was seeping through the towel she’d been given. She finished drying her face but as she went to put the tissue in her pocket, she remembered the note that had come with the flowers. 

‘Paul,’ she called, as she pulled the note out of dress pocket, ‘before we go, I need you give this to Jack or Mike and please make sure that Peter doesn’t see it!’

****  
Ben was working late and he was pretty certain that other than the cleaners and security guards he was the last one left in the building. Paul had gone home about an hour ago, Ben saying he would be following him soon. However, that had not happened and he still found his attention taken up by the case notes in front of him.

‘Knock, knock,’ came a voice at the door with a familiar accent that he was not expecting to hear, ‘can I come in?’

Ben looked up from his paperwork and saw Jess standing in the doorway. She looked slightly different than she had on their last meeting with her hair slightly up and a formal black coat on with a belt pulling it in around her waist. Gone also were the trainers and replaced again with high heels.

‘Evening Mrs Turner,’ replied Ben, hiding his surprised, ‘how can I help you?’

‘Back to Mrs Turner now, am I?’ smiled Jess, leaning against door frame, ‘I got your answer phone message but didn’t have time to call back tonight as I was in a rush. Was passing by and thought I’d take a chance you’d be here,’

‘I fear you have had a wasted trip,’ Ben said beckoning her to come in, ‘we won’t be going to trial. Pravin killed himself in his cell,’

‘Sorry to hear that,’ Jess replied coming into the office, ‘don’t worry about the trip, I was out anyway on a date, which wasn’t going well,’

‘But you could have just called tomorrow?’

‘I could have done but I have something to ask you and thought it be better to asking in person,’ Jess continued, taking in a deep breath before asking her question, ‘councillor, would you like to have a drink with me?’

‘Jess...’

‘That’s a good sign that I’m now Jess, not Mrs Turner,’

‘Jess,’ sighed Ben, ‘I don’t think it would be appropriate,’

‘I don’t see why not?’ replied Jess, sitting down, ‘you said so yourself that you won’t need me as a witness any more,’

‘I think we both know why it wouldn’t be appropriate,’ said Ben with a small smile as he took his glasses off.

‘I really don’t,’ replied Jess, looking Ben straight in the eyes, ‘you’ll have to enlighten me, unless my hunch was wrong and you are in fact not divorced and are very much married!’

‘Jess, I am divorced but how old are you?’

‘Ahh, I see,’ smiled Jess, having had a feeling that this was were the conversation was going, ‘I’m 28,’

‘So I am in fact old enough to be your father,’ Ben said softly leaning forward, ‘I was probably buying my first drink whilst you were being born,’

‘Well if it helps, I’m a grown woman who can make her own decisions,’

‘Who is still young enough to be my daughter,’ 

‘Okay, well how old is your daughter,’ asked Jess seriously as she nodded in the direction of one of the photos of Pam that Ben had on his desk.

‘12 but I don’t see...,’

‘So nowhere near my age,’ shrugged Jess, ‘in fact, I’m old enough to have a daughter her age!’

‘Only just,’ laughed Ben, leaning back in his chair.

‘But still proves my point that I am a women capable of making my own decisions,’ said Jess, leaning forward as she did so, ‘you know, if you don’t want to go out with me because you don’t find attractive, you can just tell me? I’m really not going to be offended or insulted,’

‘Jess,’ Ben started to reply but then stopped to consider his words. The truth was he did find her attractive and had done when she first waltzed into his office but then it was just a passing thought. Now things were different and whilst it was only the offer of a drink, years in the DA’s office had made Ben analysis everything. He looked at Jess and she was really stunning with green eyes that seemed to sparkle when she smiled and long black curls that perfectly framed her round face. She had her hair slightly up tonight in a ponytail, showing off the curves of her neck and making her look slightly older than what she did with it down. But she still looked young though and not the sort of women who would look twice at a man reaching middle aged with a receding hair line. But if she had an ulterior motive, Ben could not think of one, only that she would soon find someone closer to her age to go out for a drink with, ‘honestly, I think you are attractive but it doesn’t alter the fact that I am older enough to be your father,’

‘Does that really worry you?’ smiled Jess, leaning her head to the side, ‘because it honestly doesn’t bother me. Look, I have a little crush on you and I’m just asking you out for a drink. You are free to say no,’

‘Clearly I’m not,’ laughed Ben, rubbing his forehead, ‘as we are still having this conversation,’

‘That’s because you haven’t technically said no,’ Jess replied with pulling her chair closer to the desk, ‘you just said that you felt you were older enough to be my father. That isn’t a no, is it?’

‘Jess...,’

‘Look. Come and have one drink with me. That’s all I ask. Then you can tell me in more detail why our age difference is important,’

****

‘You know,’ said Jess, taking a sip of her vodka and tonic, ‘you didn’t have to come,’

‘I was under the impression that I didn’t have much choice in the matter,’ replied Ben drily as he reached for his beer.

‘You don’t strike me as a man whose easily forced into anything they don’t want to do,’

‘I’m not use to being cornered in my office late at night by someone who won’t be persuaded by my arguments,’

‘Worried you’re losing your touch, Mr Stone,’ laughed Jess, swirling around her drink before taking another sip, ‘should I take that as a compliment?’

‘I just realised that you insist that I call you Jess,’ said Ben, putting down his beer, ‘but not once have you called me, Ben?’

‘I was waiting for permission,’ smiled Jess, putting her drink down and leaning back in her, ‘I do have some manner, you know,’

‘Then call me, Ben and thank you for the drink but it doesn’t alter what I said back in the office,’

‘Well Ben, are you going to tell me why you think me being younger than you is an issue?’

‘And you are going to tell me then why I’m wrong?’ grinned Ben as he took another sip of his drink, ‘I hate to disappoint you Jess but I am very good at winning arguments,’

‘I think you are doing a disservice, for from what I hear you are the best,’ said Jess, reaching for her drink, ‘but I am brilliant at my job too! I can calm down even the most difficult of customers and I can emphasis with the best of them. I’m certain I can give you a run for your money,’

‘Jess,’ replied Ben, sitting back in his seat and looking over at her, ‘I am flattered but I think you’re not looking at the bigger picture here. I am older, divorced with two children with a demanding job, which means I am at the office most days and nights,’

‘Well,’ smiled Jess, leaning on the table as she reached for her drink, ‘I spend most of my week in at least two different countries, which have an ocean between there and New York. I’m off to London on Sunday morning and from there I am back and forth between Moscow until I am back in New York on the Friday. Not perfect at all but I then I am also technically still married too. That’s also not perfect, at least you are free,’

‘I’m not sure I would use the word free,’ murmured Ben, taking a sip of his drink but as he put his beer down he felt Jess hand on top of his.

‘Sorry,’ she said as she gave his hand a quick squeeze, ‘I forget sometimes that not everyone was unhappily married as me,’

Ben looked down at their hands as he noticed Jess had yet to withdraw her hand. He then looked up and saw that her smile was indeed sincere. 

‘You know I thought we were happily married,’ said Ben slowly and carefully as he very rarely discussed the breakdown of his marriage with anyone with perhaps the exception of Adam and he certainly didn’t discuss it with someone he barely knew, ‘my wife had other ideas,’

‘Sorry,’

‘It worked out for the best. Caroline’s remarried. She is happy now,’

‘And you?’

Ben paused before answering as he still wasn’t sure what he wanted to share or even if he even wanted to share anything. Did he want her to know that Caroline found someone else, before she had packed Ben’s suitcases and told him to leave? Did he want to share with Jess that David had taken his place in the family home before Ben had completely moved out? Did he want to mention that Caroline had screamed at him that he drove her crazy, that she’d grown to find him boring to the point that she couldn’t bare being in the same room with him at times.

‘Caroline told me she hadn’t loved me since our son was born,’ Ben said as he took a large gulp of his drink to help his nerves but found that having Jess’ hand still on top of his, gave him some comfort.

‘I’m so sorry, Ben. That must have been tough to hear,’ said Jess, giving his hand another squeeze before letting go as she reached for her drink, ‘what your children’s names?’

‘Pamela and Peter,’ sighed Ben, thankful for the change of subject, ‘I see them ever other weekend,’

‘You must miss them,’

‘I am not a particular great fathers,’ said Ben, sighing again, ‘Caroline was right when she said that I am a better lawyer than father,’

‘I’m sure your children don’t think that,’ 

‘Oh my son certainly thinks so,’ replied Ben, finishing the last of his beer, ‘you and Pam would get on though as you both have ability to talk me into things,’

‘I chose to take that as a compliment,’ smiled Jess, finishing her drink as well, ‘then can I talk you into having another drink with me?’

Ben look down at his empty glass, before turning to look back up at Jess. Despite everything, he had to admit that he was having a nice time and it was nice to spend time with someone who wasn’t just drinking with him because they did the same job.

‘Alright,’ Ben nodded before signalling to the waiter, ‘but on the condition you let me pay for these,’

****  
‘See,’ said Jess, as they left the bar and start to walked down still busy street, ‘a drink with me wasn’t too bad,’

‘I had a nice time,’ replied Ben, ‘and I am sorry again,’

‘You don’t need apologise,’ smiled Jess, threading her arm through Ben’s, ‘you weren’t to know the answer. Most people when asked if they have kids, don’t reply that their husband left them unable too. Besides I think it helped stop you saying that we shouldn’t go for a drink because I may want kids and you don’t’

‘You don’t know I was going to say that,’ replied Ben, looking down at their link arms.

‘Ben, you mentioned the age difference,’ laughed Jess, squeezing his arm, ‘of course, you were going to mention it. It’s just I turned a hypothetical answer into a factual one. I can’t have children and I made my peace with it long ago,’

‘And I having children doesn’t not worry you?’

‘Should it?’ Jess asked, stopping and causing Ben to stop as well, ‘I meant what I said earlier Ben, I like you and it would be nice to have a proper drink, where you don’t spend almost the evening trying to put me off,’

‘I object,’ replied Ben, replaying the evening in his mind, ‘I have not been trying to put you off but just pointing out that it won’t work,’

‘Ben,’ Jess laughed again, ‘I’m not asking you to marry me. Just please come for a drink with me and let’s not talk about our ages! Come out with me on Saturday?’

‘I have the kids on Saturday,’ replied Ben, realising that maybe it would be worth just seeing how things go, ‘but I’m free Friday?’

‘I have a work thing at the Ritz but I can always sneak out,’ Jess smiled, ‘meet me in the bar at 8pm?’

****

Ben was surprised at how nervous he felt when he arrived at the famous hotel. Looking over Central Park before going through the glass doors, Ben found his palms were sweaty despite the cold night and he had butterflies in his stomach-he felt as he did his first day in court! Ben had found that he had took longer than usual to fall asleep the night before and when he finally did, he woke up long before the alarm went off. He had told himself countless times throughout the day to just pull himself together-it was only a drink after all! He had even found himself speaking to Jack about it and Jack in his forthright way had told him to just stop over analysing and just have fun, which is what Ben wanted to do but something just seemed to be stopping him. He had been out with other women since Caroline had left but they had been nothing serious. Pam and Peter had never met them and they had parted on mutual terms that they were better as friends. Maybe it was due to him not realising the state of his marriage until it was too late and there was nothing left to repair. The evening when Caroline had meet him at the door with his suitcases, he had no idea that anything was wrong. When he had come home that night, the last thing he thought his wife would say to him was that she no longer loved him and she wanted him gone. Caroline had asked him not to cause a scene but Ben refused to back out gracefully and had argued with her till late into the night. Even when he finally agreed to go, Ben thoughts he would soon be back. Only when he went to visit the kids a few days later and Caroline open the door with David at her side, did he finally realise that his marriage was really over. That had truly been the worst day of his wife and the pain he felt was almost as bad as the day he lost his grandmother . Maybe he didn’t want to move on. Not that he was still in love with his wife, but Ben knew he was still the same as he had been when Caroline had announced that she no longer loved him; did that mean that it could happen again? Maybe that why things always ended before they had a chance to develop?

Walking through the doors, Ben spotted Jess talking to another lady at the entry to bar area. She had her hair down again and was dressed in a black cocktail dress, with short sleeves, which hung off her shoulders. She had a glass of wine in her hand as she chatted to her friend. She looked breathtaking and as she laughed at something her friend had said, she threw her head back shaking her long, black curls and cause her eyes to light up. She looked so beautiful that Ben found his heart skip a beat.

Ben wondering briefly if he should beat a graceful retreat before she spotted him, but Jess soon noticed him in the foyer with a smile and Ben knew there was no going back. Besides, as he told himself for the hundredth time, he was old enough not to feel nervous before meeting a woman for a drink.

‘Hi,’ smiled Jess, leaving her friend and meeting him, ‘I was worried you wouldn’t show,’

‘You think so little of me,’ Ben replied with a raised eyebrow, trying to hide the fact that he was just thinking exactly the same, ‘you look beautiful by the way,’

‘Thank you,’ Jess replied as she placed a hand on top of Ben’s tie, ‘you look good too. Did anyone ever tell you, you look good in navy?’

Ben gave a little laugh as he looked down at where her hand rested on his chest and followed her arm until he was looking straight into her eyes. There was no hint in her face that she was just playing with him and that she genuinely seem interested him. In her green eyes he could see that she was looking at him in away that no one at looked at him in years. In fact, his memory could not recall Caroline ever looking at him like that.

‘Shall we get that drink?’ smiled Ben, placing a hand on top of her’s.

****

‘What the party for?’ asked Ben as they sat down at round table near the bar. The area was quiet with no music and only the sound was the other patrons chatting about business and pleasure.

‘A lot of us, including me, have birthdays this time of year,’ replied Jess, actually starting to seem nervous as she smoothed her dress down, ‘BA own some rooms here, so they let us have discount on their function room for a party. Otherwise I don’t usually spend my Friday nights at the Ritz,’

‘Even on your birthday?’ asked Ben, signalling for the waiter. 

‘Yes, even on my birthday,’ smiled Jess, her cheeks going red slightly, ‘I have a little confession to make, I didn’t turn 28 until today,’

‘So you did lie to me,’ grinned Ben, feeling a bit more relaxed. Maybe it was the quietness of the bar or the fact that everyone else in the old drinking room were just tourists passing through, not caring about one of the city’s ADA being out with a younger woman, ‘well at least I know you are not a spy. Happy Birthday by the way. Will you let me buy you a drink?’

‘Thank you,’ said Jess, ‘vodka and tonic please,’

They ordered their drinks with Ben ordering a whiskey without ice. 

‘I feel I owe you an apology,’ said Jess, looking down her drink with a shy smile, ‘for getting you here but when I know what I want, I kind of just go for it. You are welcome to leave after this one drink, if you are really are not interested. I honestly won’t be offended,’

‘Jess,’ Ben said, clearing his throat, ‘be assured I am here because I want to be. You were right, I was hiding behind our age difference and I was wrong to do so. You should really consider being a lawyer or at least letting me know your secret,’

‘Glad to hear you admit the truth, Mr Stone,’ Jess laughed, looking up from her drink, ‘but I don’t know if I have a secret, like I said when I want something I go for it. Plus I am very good at my job, which involves a lot of calming people down and getting them to see the company’s way of thinking but I’m certainly not clever enough to be a lawyer,’

‘Well you beat me,’ smiled Ben, taking a sip of his drink as he collected his thoughts, ‘and you saw through me. I can assure you not many people can say that,’

‘Then I will take that as a compliment,’ said Jess, leaning forward and placing a hand gently on top of Ben’s hand which held his whiskey, ‘I’m glad you don’t think I’m mad or that I’m like your ex-wife,’

‘Why would think that?’ asked Ben looking down at their hands, ‘I never compared you two,’

‘You didn’t have to, Ben,’ said Jess, looking directly into Ben’s eyes, ‘I don’t know what happened and you don’t have to tell me but I guess she hurt you. Christ, it took my a long time to go out with a man after I left Rob and when I did, all I could think was “when are you going to hurt me?”

‘And did he,’ asked Ben, not able to resist the urge to interrogate. 

‘Surprisingly no,’ laughed Jess, letting go of Ben’s hand as she took a sip of drink, ‘but he was an investment banker, so he’s probably hurt a lot of people already,’

Ben joined in her laugher as he too reach for his drink.

They talked for about half an hour with the only the interruption being the waiter who brought them another set of drinks. Jess asked Ben about Pam and Peter. Ben told her about Pam’s ability to talk him into anything, including forcing him on to the ice ring outside the Rockefeller Centre last Christmas. 

‘It was only by the grace of god that I didn’t break anything,’ smiled Ben, as he remembered thinking how he was going to explain to Adam having a broken leg on Monday morning.

‘I bet she appreciated it though,’ said Jess, with a little grin, ‘I once convinced my dad to take me on the roller coaster at Southend. He spend the whole time with his eyes tightly shut reciting the Lord’s Prayer! How old’s Pam again?’

‘Twelve,’ replied Ben, still not believing that the little girl, who use to crawl into his office so she could sit with him whilst he work, was now nearly a teenager.

‘Ahh, so still at an age when she wants to be seen with her dad,’ 

‘Oh great,’ signed Ben, taking a deep sip of his whiskey, ‘another child not talking to me,’

‘I’m sorry,’ replied Jess, sliding her hand a cross the table with her palm up for Ben to take, ‘I imagine divorces are hard on kids,’

‘Peter,’ Ben hesitated, taking another drink before taking Jess’ hand, ‘he blames me. I still remember the look he gave me the day I moved out, it hit me worse than Pam’s tears,’

‘He’ll understand in time,’ Jess said squeezing Ben’s hand.

‘I swear the only time I see him smile,’ Ben continued, ‘is when we are playing baseball or watching the Mets,’

‘See, he does like spending time with you,’

‘He likes baseball,’ said Ben, slightly mournfully, ‘and will tolerate me for it,’

‘I doubt it,’ smiled Jess, ‘do you know I have lived here for two years and have never seen a baseball match!’

‘Well that doesn’t seem right,’ Ben laughed as his mood lightened, ‘I think we should fix that,’

‘I would like that,’ replied Jess slyly, ‘but it may take a lot to convince me that’s it’s better than cricket,’

‘Oh, I accept,’ grinned Ben, tilting his head to side, ‘and I will certainly win this round,’

They talked for a bit longer with Jess talking about the drama of trying to get a washing machine in the USSR when there is a two year waiting list, as well as dealing with police who thought she was a tourist with no grasp of the language. 

‘And having a daughter who speaks Russian and French is still not good enough for your mother?’ asked Ben, though the experience of his own father had taught him that sometimes being the best at what you do was never enough for some parents, ‘Oxbridge is not indicative of someone’s intelligence,’

‘Ahh but my mum didn’t want me to go to Oxbridge because she wanted to brag about her clever daughter,’ replied Jess, taking a deep drink of her vodka and tonic, ‘she wanted me do go there to find a rich, clever husband,’

‘And your husband fitted that mould?’

‘Well he never went to Oxbridge, but he had the benefit of being a hot shot pilot in the RAF before flying commercial. Also being the son of baronet helped too,’ sighed Jess, her smiled suddenly going as she swirled her drink around, ‘my mum adored him, still does. Even when I was lying in hospital recovering from the hysterectomy, she was still blaming me,’

‘What would she say about a middle aged New York ADA with two children,’ said Ben, instinctively put a hand on top of Jess’.

‘Oh she will be very disappointed,’ replied Jess, as she leaned across the table, ‘luckily I don’t listen to her anymore,’

‘I shall count my blessings,’ smiled Ben, feeling more relaxed than he had all evening as he lent in closer to Jess, ‘my Irish grandmother would be very disappointed to see me drinking with the enemy,’

‘Would it have help that I had an Irish grandmother too,’ whispered Jess, moving closer to Ben, her eyes flickering between his eyes and lips.

‘Jess,’ Ben started but didn’t get a chance to finish as he felt Jess’ lips on his. For a moment he just froze as he felt her warm lips just gently graze the top of his before gently kissing her back. It wasn’t a deep kiss and Jess soon broke away to whisper in Ben’s ear.

‘God, I’ve wanted you since the moment I stormed into your office! You’re so confident and handsome and your voice drives me crazy...’

It was Jess’ turn to not me able to finished her words as Ben turned so that he caught her mouth with his and pulled her too him in a deep kiss. It back a long time since anyone had described him in such away, he wasn’t even sure if Caroline would have ever used those words to describe him. But hearing those words whispered in a sultry way had woken something in him, so that he no longer felt any shame about passionately kissing his younger companion in public.

‘Glad you have finally realised I don’t bite,’ murmured Jess against Ben’s lips as she rested her hands on the lapel of his jacket, ‘now how about we have our next drink at mine?’


End file.
